Tuesday, 30 October 2012

The grief inside - My body turned against me

For those of you who maybe sufferers of this horrid disease you have my sympathy.

My body is now pulling against me from teh years of suffering and pain I have put it through. My eyesight is leaving me fast and my Gums are in a bad way not to mention the enamal on my teeth is very thin and I am hyper sensitive to hot and cold.

My matabalism is shot and no matter what I do my heart rate does nothing to burn callories anymore.

Not to mention that I hate it when I get a bout of teh guilts and purge even a salad that overfills me in my mind is enough to throw me into a spin. I would love to find a diet that can kick start weight loss and help me loose weight and at teh same time stop me from feeling guilty and pruging. I need to have the full feeling and I think I need to eat less more often but I just dont have the information at hand. maybe I will do some searches on line and see what I can find.

My weight has increased steadily the last 6 minths and I am eating right and excersising but alas I cant loose it and its starting to piss me off. I hate who I am and I hate that others can see it in my now dead eyes, my wife wont come near me and I think she is repulsed by my weight gain. Then she hates it if she knows I purge as well because I might set off one of our daughters if they see me. I am lost I need help and I can help others at the same time why is that? My writing is the only thing that helps me. I have 4 blogs now including this one and three novels published. You can find them on Amazon and iBookstoor as well as Barnes and Nobles.

I am thinking of writing a story of my bulimia and how it has effected my life and my mind over teh 48 years of my life I would love to hear from anyone who might think this is a good or bad idea.

Well I am off to see if I cant loose some of this weight.

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