Monday, 20 August 2012

My life is a trial

Today I lookad at myself and thought you fat bastard.

I am in a slump at present all weekend I was at the gym and spent hours on the cross trainer burning upward of 2,500 calories. All for what. I have good eating habits and then bam I open a packet of chips. The bag was gone and I was downing a bucket of water to try and help me bring them back up again. I burst all the blood vessles in my eyes because of the strain of trying to bring the food back up out of my stomach. I felt so ashamed of myself that I got all depressed and cried for about 10 minutes before I was overcome with teh need to feed again. 8 heaped teaspoons of Milo into a glass with a tiny bit of milk just to make a sweet milo mud and I was in hevean again feeding my need to hate myself. Again I vomited it all back up and crawled into bed feeling sore and mentally scared from my nights loathing. My wife none the wiser of my escapades I fell asleep thinking all teh time how ashamed I was of myself. Its just not fair. Why do I have to feel this way. I was doing so good but being good means putting weight on and I can ill afford to do that. My life sucks, I hate it so much now.

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